Let That Be Enough
by vanilla voices
Summary: Story songfic - 7th Year, James is confused and ends up hurting Lily and himself. 5 years later, they can't stop thinking about each other every spare moment they have. What happens when they meet up again? Bit of fluff and angst. JL. R&R please, no flame
1. Let That Be Enough

** A/N:** Hey people!!! Thank you for picking to read this. This is my first sonfic and I'm not sure whether it's good so please review. No Flames plz. This might be slightly AU and OOP, but I honestly don't know because J.K. Rowling doesn't give much info about James and Lily. This will probably be a one-shot unless for some odd reason, there are people out there that like my writing and want me to write more. It starts off as James' POV and then switches to Lily's POV and switches back to James' POV. Inspired by "Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot.

**Disclaimer:** (Of course) I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Let That Be Enough by Lady Spirit

'There goes another hollow day.' thought James with a sigh. James Harold Potter, Hogwarts graduate and current Auror-in-training, is sitting alone on a creaky park bench after a hard day. Hot coffee is steaming in his hands, making his odd round glasses fog up. The flaming sun slowly sets behind England's famous rolling hills. During his wistful thinking, his heart refused to obey his mind and kept reeling back to a certain memory.

_He could feel the comfortable of Lily's head leaning on his shoulder. Her blazing red tresses smoothly brushing along his jaw line as she gently sits up to meet his glaze. They are sitting together on the edge of the lake, watching the random ripples skim across the water's surface, undoubtedly made by the "giant squid" that resides in these waters. James wished that they stay forever the way they were. Just holding each other and watching the lake as statues, who could brave the worst of storms and who could also drink in the summer sun's rays for centuries. But his mind knew that wasn't possible. Graduation day was only 3 days away and then afterwards…He didn't KNOW what would happen after that. Well, he knew that he would follow the family path and become an Auror, but he wasn't worried about his profession._

_ "James," whispered Lily._

_ "Yeah, Lils" replied James._

_ "You got something sticking up from the back of your head." Lily said as she shifted to free her right hand from James' enclosing embrace._

_ "What might that something be?" asked James suspiciously._

_ "Your unruly hair of course," Lily replied as she let out a slight giggle. She then set out to smooth her boyfriend's messy jet-black hair with her free hand._

_ "You know that after seventeen years, no matter what I do, it will still be like that. Even if the most beautiful woman in the world is trying to smooth it out," said James as he lifted his hand from it's rightful place around Lily's waist and took her delicate hand into his. It stopped her from Lily's tender, yet firm patting down motion on top of his head. He then proceeded to place a chaste kiss on the palm of her hand. Lily returned the favor and pecked James on the cheek._

_ "You really think that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world/?" she questioned with a smirk plastered on her face._

_ "Actually…" James started. He kept Lily in doubt and suspense long enough to wipe the smirk off her lips._

_ "I know you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Your radiance makes even Aphrodite cower in shame," he finally said. Lily smiled once again and leaned in toward James face. Their noses were touching as they just stared into each other's eyes. Dark hazel against brilliant green. In these precious moments of soul searching, one knows if this is something that lasts forever. James eventually broke the trance and closed the space between their lips. Slow and sensuous, the soft kiss lasted millennia. Lily finally broke it off and said,_

_ "Oh James, don't upset the goddess of Love. She'll be wanting my head after that wanton comment." James chuckled. How could anyone not love this quirky red-head? Silence ensued as they returned to their original position._

A strong breeze blew a few crippled leaves into his face. James brought his jacket in tighter and tightened his wool scarf. He thought that minor distraction was enough to shrug away the grips that that memory but he was wrong.

**Wish I had what I needed**

**To be on my own**

**'Cause I feel so defeated**

**And I'm feeling alone**

_ "James…" began Lily._

_ "Hmmm…" answered James._

_ "What are we going to do about us?" asked Lily._

_ James froze._

**And it all seems so helpless**

**And I have no plans**

**I'm a plane in the sunset**

**With nowhere to land**

_ "Well you know, after Hogwarts, we are chosing two different career paths." Lily said, stating the facts. Still James couldn't find anything to say._

_ "Well, James," said Lily, trying to prompt her boyfriend to talk._

_ "Umm…er…I don't know," James stalled. He was looking to the horizon, afraid to meet Lily's piercing eyes. She was slightly shocked because she was expect at best a marriage proposal and at worst an "I'll love you forever, we'll figure it out together". Lily thought about it a little more and decided that it was a bit overwhelming for James. _

_ "I guess I'll give you a little more time to think about it," said Lily. Without as much as a hug goodbye, Lily got up and walked toward the castle. She felt like something was missing when she was alone. A feeling that would never go away for the rest of her life. Disappointed at James, tears pricked the edges of her green eyes. She looked back at a James whose face was buried deep within his hands. She couldn't even begin to imagine the emotions he was hiding between his fingers._

James found himself in the same position that he was in five years ago. He didn't know how many times he mentally kicked himself for ending it with an "I don't know". At graduation, even at the King's Cross station where they last met, he replied to Lily's question with an "I don't know". After letting out a tired and frustrated sigh, James looked up into setting sun. Even the red light was blinding, the sun felt no longer warm.

**And all I see**

**It could never make me happy**

**And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing**

As he continued to stared into the sunset, James thought, 'How pathetically slow of me. The sad thing is that I now know. I now know I what was supposed to do 5 years ago. Why couldn't I have thought of it earlier?'

* * *

Lily Evans, fresh out of med school Medi-Witch, sank into the one the lounge chairs in the ER lobby. Her 2 days in a row shift had ended. In the last 2 days, there had been 3 mass murders executed by none other then the Deatheaters. On top of that, the ER unit was missing a doctor and a couple nurses because they decided to take a vacation. Great timing. She was too tired to realize that she was slipping into sleep.

_She was sinking deeper and deeper until a pair of strong arms caught her. A familiar scent tickled her nose. 'Something between refreshing rain and mint' she thought. A deep resonating voice filled her ears._

_ "Hello Lily…" Why was it so familiar, yet so far away?_

_ "Lily…" She blinked open her eyes. A pair of haunting hazel eyes met her._

_ 'Oh no' thought Lily. 'I'm not thinking of him again…' Her train of thought was cut short._

_ "Lily Evans, I love you," the voice said._

**Let me know that you hear me**

**Let me know your touch**

**Let me know that you love me**

**Let that be enough**

"James Potter," Lily moaned as she gently awoke from her dreaming. Why was she thinking about that confused bastard anyways? He had no right to barge into all her thoughts and still destroy her life 5 years later. Yet, Lily was letting him do that. She couldn't understand why her heart wouldn't let the memories of James Potter be laid to rest. Haven't people throughout the ages forgotten about past loves? Why is she any different? A little voice told her that "those 'people' haven't found a soul mate who is living and breathing."

'Why is am I so miserable when I should be ecstatic because I have found my soul mate?' Lily thought. 'Because he is out of reach and will always be' she thought.

* * *

**It's my birthday tomorrow**

**No one here could know**

**I was born this Thursday **

**22 years ago**

Being alone really sucked. Sad thing was that James hadn't been exactly alone for the last 5 years. Sirius could barely keep count how many flings James had. Calling James flirtious would be an understatement. However all that sweet talk is just a barrier and a lie to tell himself that Lily Evans, love of his life, is gone forever.

**And I feel stuck watching history repeating**

**Yeah who am I just a kid who knows he's needy**

Nothing ever came remotely close to stable relationship because every time a girl would ask James the infamous question "Where do we stand?", all hell would break loose. Either James would break it off the next second or he would reply, " I don't know" and the girl would become mad and break it off herself. Besides James didn't want another stable relationship after Lily. He couldn't go back to a daisy when he has smelled a rose.

'How ironic, the only one I want is the only one I can't get, when I can have anyone else.' Thought James. 'All I want is Lily'

**Let me know that you hear me**

**Let me know your touch**

**Let me know that you love me**

**Let that be enough**

**Let me know that you hear me**

**Let me know your touch**

**Let me know that you love me**

**Let that be enough**

**Let That Be Enough** – Switchfoot

* * *

A/N: I hope you all liked my first songfic! REVIEW and tell me!!! Once again, no flames. Tell me if you want this continued.

Thanks

L.S.


	2. Cigarette

**A/N:** Thank You reviewers!!! Hugs for everyone. Back by request, I have another chappie! Songfic again. I hope there's no hidden rule that says how long a songfic is supposed to be because I think I might have broken that rule. Beware, there are LARGE gaps between the lyrics in the beginning and it bunches up towards the end. POV goes as follows Lily, James, Lily, James, Lily, James, and finally back to Lily. Inspired by "Cigarette" by Yellowcard. Review please!

**Disclaimer:** (Of course) I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Cigarette By Lady Spirit

Exhausted and sluggish, Lily moved toward her kitchen counter. She absentmindedly dropped her wand on the smooth granite surface and quickly shed her heavy cloak. Unable to walk the last few steps towards her telephone, Lily stumbles and falls to the ground.

'That's gonna leave a mark in the morning' she thought as she rubs her left knee, the knee that broke her fall. Even with flaming red hair, a bit dull from overwork, sprawled across the floor, this tired Lily Evans is still a sight to see. She closes her eyes and lets out a content sigh. The carpet felt comfortable enough…

'It would be funny if Michelle finds me here…MICHELLE!' her mind screamed. Lily was often forgetful outside the hospital because she spent most of her normally excellent memory at work. 'I forgot to call her and tell her I was doing more shifts at the hospital (which is an understatement because she set the record for most shifts done in a row), Michelle must be worried sick. Damn, I should call her now.' She quickly thought. Lily tried to lift herself from the floor but her arms gave way and she collapsed on the ground again. As if on cue, the door opens and in comes Michelle, fellow Hogwarts graduate and roommate for 3 years.

"LILY EVANS, WHERE in HELL have you BEEN?! Have you any idea where I have searched. I was about to report you as a missing person to the police station as soon as I got a bite to eat. Merlin, I was worried sick!" screamed Michelle. She paused for a second and a confused look crossed her features.

"Lily… what are you doing on the floor?" asked Michelle.

"Er… I was exhausted from work…and er… I sort of collapsed. Can you help me up?" Lily asked. She raised her right hand hopefully at Michelle. Michelle, completely oblivious to the Lily's hand, went along talking.

"My stars… you've been at the hospital that ENTIRE time?" said Michelle in awe.

"Umm… yeah. So could you please help me up?" asked Lily again, with a frustrated undertone. Michelle's entire demeanor changed.

"Honey, you shouldn't stress yourself so." Michelle started. 'Oh Merlin… she's doing her motherly thing again' thought Lily.

"I can't believe you collapsed, maybe we should take you back to the hospital," Michelle continued.

"NO! NO! NO! Not back to the hospital. Just help me up to my room. Please." Begged Lily. She was not going to back the Hell/Hospital for a very long time if she had a say in the matter.

"Ah… fine Lily. You're the Medi-Witch. Here, swing your arm around my shoulder," said Michelle as she supported her friend. Lily thanked Merlin that Michelle was an Auror at that point because her training had made Michelle very strong. They slowly walked to Lily's room and Michelle dumped Lily onto her lily flower printed bed sheets (**A/N:** sort of stupid, I know). Lily could finally relax and she did. Michelle smiled softly as she watched her best friend snuggle in her comforter.

'She has been way overworked. Lily needs a fun night out sometimes." Michelle thought.

Before exiting and closing the door, Michelle whispered,

"I'm running to the store and buying somethings to make you some chicken noodle soup. I'll be back in an hour. Sweet dreams Lils."

Lily could only hear "sweet dreams" before she, ironically, slipped in a dreamless sleep.

When she woke up, Lily realized that a bubble bath had been drawn out for her because she could smell the blueberry bubbles and creamy vanilla bath salts.

'Michelle is the best' she thought. Lily quickly put on her fuzzy bathrobe and walked to the bathroom unnoticed. After her calming bath, Lily dried off and walking back to her room to put on pajamas. She found a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup on her bedside table with a steam-wrinkled note underneath it.

_**Hey Lils, **_

_**Hope you like the soup and please relax and try to enjoy a quiet evening. I got a call from the office and I have to run. Probably be back late so don't wait up for me. You need your sleep. Goodnight.**_

_**Love Always,**_

**_Michellle_**

'Aw… She is too much. And… hummm…she's telling me that I'm overworking. HA. But I guess someone has to save the world from the Deatheaters. What a funny pair we are. She saves the world and I patch up the wounds.' Lily thought. 'There's might be another Auror that you would be good pairs with…' her mind drifted. She could see his boyish grin and outrageously messy hair.

"Not again…" she said to herself.

**Watching the days burning out like a cigarette,  
Just a few drags to go.  
You built me up  
And you broke me down,  
Somehow. **

"Potter, what are you doing to me?" she asked quietly. She decided that it was time again. Time again for a walk down memory lane. She swung herself down from the bed and proceeded to crawl under it. Lily crawled out with a large hatbox. It was circular and shiny black. Her trembling fingers lifted the top and white paper envelopes spilled from it. She grabbed one that had fallen onto the carpet. Lily gingerly pulled a crinkled old letter from a tattered envelope.

_**My Dearest Flower, **_

_**I'm sitting here in Charms, wishing that you were right next to me right now. Not only to help me with the newest Charm that Professor Handel is trying to teach us, but also so I can watch you gracefully scribble down notes and so that I can stare into your brilliant green eyes. How I could use such brilliance in such a dull class. Sirius is now looking over my shoulder… I guess I have to stop writing for the sake that Sirius might read what I already wrote and call it a ridiculously mushy love letter. I know this is a bit short but I'll make it up to you later. Meet me in the Common Room at midnight. Don't stay up too late doing homework…**_

_**With All My Love,**_

_**James Potter**_

'James… you contradicting fool. And you don't need any help in charms, you got too much of it anyways. How I miss our midnight escapes and break of dawn adventures. What I would give to have that back and go back in time. What I would give to have you back, even though I wouldn't say that aloud to anyone. Your inability to say the right word and your betrayal runs deep, but maybe, just maybe, my love for you runs even deeper." She thought.

**Everything just seemed so clear to me  
Nothing left to know.  
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure,  
Right now.**

Then Lily saw a card with beautiful lilies on the cover. She grabbed it and opened it.

_**Dear Lily **_

_**I know it's been years, but I would never forget your birthday. I hope work isn't as stressful for you as it is for me. May this day be as wonderful as you are and may you enjoy it with the people who will always be there for you. Happy Birthday, Lily. **_

_**Forever Yours,**_

_**James Potter**_

'Why? Why James? Why do you have to be so nice? It would be so much easier to hate you if you were different. Even though I never send you anything, you still never forget my birthday. Year after year, I can always expect a beautiful card from you. Even if I were friendless and lonely, you would never forget me. And why do you sign every card with "forever yours". Do you really mean it or is that what you always write when signing something for a pretty girl? So many questions that will never be answered." Lily pondered.

* * *

"Hey Prongs! You better get down here now. Your birthday guests are all going to arrive before you are!!!" screamed Sirius, stressing **guests**, from the bottom of the stairs. 

"I'll be right there!!!" James yelled back. 'Impatient Sirius, but you gotta love him.' Thought James. Sirius was the one that planned a birthday party for him. James didn't want anything big but knowing Sirius… well, just let us just say that Sirius isn't the small celebration type. Sirius and Remus, his other best friend from Hogwarts, sent out invitations to his coworkers and they was all supposed to meet at the Ministry's Ballroom (Sirius somehow got it for my birthday, I think it has something to do with the new witch he's dating). James quickly pulled a deep chocolate turtleneck sweater over his head and ran into the bathroom to give his hair a quick brush.

'What the hell, it's been like this for 22 years. It's not going to change." James thought as he hopelessly dropped the comb. He grabbed a jacket and headed downstairs to meet Sirius.

"About time, mate. You don't want to be late, even if it is fashionably late." Said Sirius in an exasperated voice.

"Right, right. Let's get going before Moony yells at the both of us for being late." Said James, pushing Sirius through the door.

* * *

Michelle was sitting on the couch waiting for Lily to finish getting ready. She grabbed Witch Weekly and started to flip through the pages. 

"Oh Michelle, I don't know how you got me to go to James Potter's birthday bash," whined Lily, stressing **Potter**. Inwardly, she was giddy as a schoolgirl. She then walking into the living room and Michelle looked quite pleased with the outfit that she picked out for Lily. Michelle then motioned with her hand to signal Lily to twirl around. She thought Lily looked good in a white sleeveless turtleneck, a deep green beaded cardigan, and a jean skirt. But Lily would look good even if she wore a banana costume to the party.

"Stop complaining Lily. I need someone I can trust to be there for me. Besides after all those gorgeous birthday cards he's sent you for all those years, you owe him and yourself a favor," said Michelle as she stood up and got ready to Apparate.

"What do you mean, " you owe him and yourself a favor"? Wait… How do you know about the birthday cards?" asked Lily.

"Oh… James always asked me the day after if you got the card and if you like it at work." Said Michelle nonchalantly. Lily's eyes narrowed slightly.

"What else do you know?" she asked suspiciously.

"What, that you have been Potter obsessed since seventh year? Or that you dream about him and moan through your lips "_James…_" at night?" said Michelle doing a slight impression of a frustrated Lily when she said James. Lily stood there shocked. Her mind blanked out.

'Am I obsessed? No, I can't be. I have gotten over him… Yeah right, keep telling yourself that," thought Lily. Her shocked face slowly changed into a more passive look and she hung her head.

"It's okay Lily. Look on the brightside, you'll see him tonight," said Michelle sympathetically.

'Like that is going to take away any of the betrayal and hurt' Lily thought.

* * *

"Hey mate, look at that pretty red-head by Michelle," Sirius whispered into James' ear. He instantly perked up at the word "red-head". This has been the most excited he has been all night. 

"Where?" James asked, a little too loudly.

"Where what?" asked Remus, who had heard James from 5 feet away. He walked over to his two best friends.

"There's a red-head over there that has caught Prongs' attention," replied Sirius.

"Red-heads can catch Prongs' attention fast enough, but only one can hold it," Said Remus, obviously hinting at something. James wasn't listening though. He was entranced and slowly walking toward the mysterious red-head.

'James, what are you doing? Hey feet, stop moving. Stop! Come on. Hopeless…" thought James. His mind and body were thinking in two different directions.

"Should we stop Prongs?" asked Remus.

"No," Sirius replied bluntly. 'I want to see good old Prongs make a fool out of himself' thought Sirius.

* * *

Michelle was looking over Lily's shoulder and saw a certain James Potter walking over. She smiled evilly. 

'Lily won't know what hit her. Good thing she has her back turned." Michelle thought.

"Hey Lils, I see my boss over there, I guess I better say hello. Don't come with me. He's fifty and flirty, trust me, you don't want to get hit on by him," said Michelle as she grabbed her drink and left. She walked to the far right corner and when she saw that Lily wasn't watching her anymore, she doubled back to spy on her best friend.

"Hey beautiful," said James as he approached her from the back. Lily turned around so fast that she almost spilled her champagne on him. His hazel eyes widened.

"You're Lily" he stammered.

"And this is your birthday party. Congrats for surviving 22 years birthday boy," said Lily with a sardonic smile.

"Umm…er…thanks," said James.

'Always trying to find the right words.' Thought Lily. An awkward moment of silence followed.

"So… Lily, want to go outside to talk? Catch up on old times?" asked James.

'He's playing tricks with me. Make out with me one second and dump me the next." Thought Lily.

"Back to old ways Potter? Always trying to get a pretty enough girl to show off and a stupid enough one to fall for you." Lily said sharply. Those words were like razors upon his heart. He couldn't stop the bleeding.

**How can you say,  
That it's too late To save us now**

"I just wanted to talk to you," said James sadly.

**  
And I would wait for you, ooh  
If you would wait for me, yeah.  
I will wait for you, ooh  
if you will wait for me, yeah. **

Lily felt like a train off tracks had hit her. He hadn't said anything sarcastic or hateful back to her.

'But…He's supposed to hate me." Thought Lily.

* * *

**Intoxicated the edge is serrated,  
So easily torn from the core.  
I blushed the first time,  
But you blushed the last time  
My eyes hit your mind  
Regenerated these feelings of hatred,  
I long for your love evermore  
You built me up and you broke me down  
This time.**

James never wanted to be sucked into a black hole more than right now. He wanted to feel the sweet blackness of unconsciousness or even just the comfort of his bed. He could Apparate but there would no explanation for his friends, or even Lily. Besides, he couldn't run away from Lily forever. He throat felt like a nomad in the desert trying to find an oasis. His lips were parched like an old dry paper. He couldn't find his voice to speak. After what seemed like hours but were actually minutes, James spoke again.

"I'm sorry Lily, for everything. Goodbye," He then turned on his heel and left.

**And I would wait for you, ooh  
If you would wait for me, yeah.  
I will wait for you, ooh  
if you will wait for me, yeah.**

'You can't even begin to imagine how sorry I am. How much I suffer inside just to see you again." James though.

* * *

Déjà vu hit her hard. 

"_I guess I'll give you a little more time to think about it," said Lily. Without as much as a hug goodbye, Lily got up and walked toward the castle. She felt like something was missing when she was alone. A feeling that would never go away for the rest of her life. She looked back at a James whose face was buried deep within his hands. She couldn't even begin to imagine the emotions he was hiding between his fingers. _

Goodbyes were always hard for them. Separation tore them apart the core. It was always simpler when they were together.

'I wish wasn't the one left behind.' She thought staring at a blank white wall mindlessly.

**How can you say,  
That its too late  
To save us now?  
(How can you say)**

**Cigarette**- Yellowcard

* * *

**A/N: **Soooo… Like it? Or did I lose my author license because I murder writing in general? As an inexperienced author, I NEED feedback from my audience, but still, NO flames please. If anyone has a suggestion as to what song might be perfect for this story or the next chappie, please tell me. Also, tell me how far you want this story to continue. 

Thanks

L.S.


	3. Wrong Again

**A/N:** I LOVE ALL MY REVIEWERS!!! You guys are so wonderful. I read everything you said and it motivated me to write this chapter. I didn't get any suggestions before I started to write this chapter so I already picked out the song before I got those wonderful suggestions. Please don't be offended if I don't take the suggestions you graciously gave. This chappie is about the "morning after". POV goes as follows Lily, James, and back to Lily. This was inspired by "Wrong Again" by Martina McBride. Don't forget to review!

**Disclaimer:** (Of course) I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Michelle knew what was headed her way once she got Lily home. Well, that depended on whether Lily would come home in one piece. 

'Shattered once, the pieces are hard to find, but breaking the already broken, the pieces are nearly invisible and beyond repair. Lily is gonna need a very large carton of Ben and Jerry's.' thought Michelle. She had to practically drag her best friend in the bathroom just to talk enough sense into her so they could Apparate out together. Michelle leaned Lily against the bathroom stall and tried to talk to her.

"Lily? Anyone in that stubborn head of yours?" asked Michelle as she stared deeply into Lily's lifeless green eyes. Lily's normally bright eyes have now become haunting and hollow. That sort of scared Michelle.

'What could of those two talked about that made Lily this way? Oh no… I can't think of how this must have affected Potter. Oh boy… good thing Black will get Potter to drink all this away. Alcohol is his best friend tonight…' thought Michelle.

"Michelle? Are you there?" asked Lily as she came back to reality. She had been unconscious from all that shock. Michelle turned her gaze from the floor and looked over at her best friend.

"Thank Merlin," whispered Michelle under her breathe.

"May we please go home?" asked Lily oblivious to everything.

"I was thinking the exact same thing, come on Lily," said Michelle as she grabbed Lily by the shoulder and stabilized her. Then they Apparated to their apartment. Once home, Michelle quickly shooed Lily to bed.

'Maybe we'll just skip the ice cream tonight.' Thought Michelle.

Once comfortable underneath her comforter, Lily quickly fell asleep.

_She was standing on the edge of the lake's shores. A great stone castle loomed in the background. Her shoulders shook with sobs and her shaking hands held a tear-stained letter. The feathery handwriting that swept over the letter belonged to no one other than Amos Diggory. She didn't even need to read past the second line to understand what Amos wanted. He has fallen out of love with her and in love with Sabrina Cushman. A fellow seventh year Hufflepuff._

_"I guess she is prettier than me and much nicer. I guess he hates my short temper and impatience. Maybe I should have paid more attention to him instead of my studies, but I wish he were there for me more often. After he asked me out, I forgot how much I wanted him to like me and became complacent. I took his love for granted. Was it even love?" Lily mumbled to herself. During this time, she was so caught up in her misery that she didn't notice a tall shadow walking towards her. The winds shifted and a strong breeze blew through Lily's hair. She forgot to bring a cloak to shield the autumn winds and her thin t-shirt didn't offer much protection from the cold. She shivered and tried to tame a few strands of red hair with her pale fingers. _

_"Here Lily, don't want you too caught a cold. Not with Professor Yalelich's test coming up tomorrow," whispered a deep voice. Lily froze (and it wasn't from the cold). Then a pair of hands gently rests a heavy cloak around her shoulders. It was many sizes too big but somehow it hugged her perfectly and comfortably. Without even looking at him, Lily knew it was none other than James Potter. _

_"What are you doing here Potter? Can't you see that I want some time alone?" snapped Lily as she started to crumple the letter in her left hand. _

_"I am sorry Lily. I just wanted to see if you are okay. You've been here for a long time and you seemed cold. I guess I'll leave you to wallow in self-pity once more," said James as he turned to go back to castle and away from the cold, and more importantly, a furious red-head. _

_"Potter!!! How much did you hear, and I know you were eavesdropping!" said Lily, red with anger. James stopped in his tracks and turned so he could, once again, stare at the back of Lily's head. _

_"Nothing much…Just you telling lies to the wind." Said James nonchalantly. _

_"Don't you dare mock me when I'm hurt! And lies? What are you talking about?" asked Lily, now trembling in anger with clenched fists. _

_"Lily, Lily… I'm not trying to mock you. I just wanted to cheer you up by making you see how silly it is to be so crushed for so long. No amount of self-reflecting is going to make Amos come back to you. Besides, he doesn't deserve a smart, caring, passionate girl like you. If he was blind enough to dump you, he will always be blind. As for the lies, Lily…you are not perfect, no one is, but…you are as close to perfect as it gets. You are beautiful inside and out and you got a good, sensible head on your shoulders. A guy couldn't… shouldn't have to wish for anymore," replied James._

_Lily turned around to meet James' warm hazel eyes. She could almost swimming in the honesty that she found there. Both stood there, facing each other, shocked. James couldn't believe the words that uncontrollably flew from his mouth. Lily was lost at the fact that James had said something nice to her. In fact, his words were the nicest that anyone had spoken to her._

**From the day we met  
You made me forget  
All my fears  
Knew just what to say  
And you kissed away  
All my tears**

_After a moment of silence passed between them, Lily finally spoke,_

_"James…er…thanks for the cloak. It was really thoughtful of you." _

_"No problem Lily. Anything for you." Replied James. He saw a few stray tears still left from her crying. James brushed her thumb over her smooth cheeks and wiped away the tears. _

_"Lily…I hope you don't mind…er…but… Iloveyou," James stammered. His face was suddenly swept up in a deep blush. Lily also felt a slight blush grace her cheeks. _

_"This time Potter, I think I don't mind," said Lily in a confident voice. She had finally found true happiness in the most unlikely person. James sighed and gradually felt relaxed. _

_"I hope you mind this either," James whispered as he closed the space between their lips. _

**I knew this time I had finally found  
Someone to build my life around  
Be a lover and a friend  
After all my heart had put me through  
I knew that it was safe with you  
And what we had would never end  
Wrong again

* * *

**

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" screamed Sirius as pulls the covers from James' bed. James barely flinches even though it's below freezing (even Sirius is wearing a sweater) and he's only in his boxers. 'Wow, alcohol can do that to you' thought Sirius. Ironically, James still remembers every venomous word that Lily uttered the night before.

Something snaps in James and he lets out a groan.

"Sirius, you better run because I'm gonna MURDER you!" screamed James. Sirius quickly complies and runs toward the kitchen where he could hide behind Moony.

"I told you not to do that," Remus calmly said to Sirius as he flips another page of The Daily Prophet.

"Do what? The alcohol or the pulling of the covers?" asked Sirius as he cowered behind Remus, but not before he grabbed a muffin from the counter.

"Both," Remus replied indifferently.

'I wonder if you can kill someone twice because I need to kill Sirius once for feeding me all that firewhiskey last night and making this monster of a hangover, and twice for leaving me here freezing without a bed cover.' Thought James. He shifted so that he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. 'God damn it, I need that hangover potion from Moony. I should ask for it now' thought James. He took a quick shower and pulled on jeans, a T-shirt, and a sweatshirt. He walked slowly to the kitchen and mumbled a quick hello to his friends.

"Hey Moony, can you fix up a quick hangover potion, please?" asked James. Remus, with his eyes still on a particularly interesting article, pulled out a vile looking glass and handed it to James. Without looking at James still, he said,

"Drink that with your orange juice. And remember to mix it very well or else your breath is going to smell like pickles. We wouldn't want that, would we?" Following Remus' instructions, James poured the glass into a glass of OJ and proceeded to mix it very well. After very vigorous mixing, James held his nose and leaned back his head and chugged the mixture. A slight burn snaked down his throat followed by a pleasant refreshing feeling.

"Perfect as always, Moony," said James as he set the glass down.

"So now that you are sober, can you tell us what happened?" asked Sirius.

James froze. Memories of the previous night rushed through his head and chased out any thought about killing Sirius.

"Prongs?" questioned Sirius as he waved his hand in front of James' blank eyes. James still stood as silent as a statue. Then, Sirius slapped James on the back and said,

"Speak!"

**Everybody swore  
They'd seen this before  
We'd be fine  
And you'd come to see that you still loved me  
In good time**

"She still hates me, nothing will change that now," said James quietly.

"What? She'll come around. The Potter Charm worked once, it can work again," said Sirius.

"I'll never get close enough for any charm to work," said James.

* * *

"Hey kiddo, how are you this morning?" asked Michelle cheerfully from the kitchen. Lily barely could haul her pathetically torn body to sit on one of the bar chairs in front of the counter. That was response enough to tell Michelle that something happened last night that she couldn't have helped with. In some kind of trance, Lily spoke, 

"I had a dream… a dream about the first time he kissed me." Michelle opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. Lily continued.

"He was kind and gentle, but I guess he always was. Somehow, when I talked to him last night, he didn't seemed quite like the same person. Maybe dreams do really change reality, but James was perfect and dreams can't change that."

**And they said there's nothing you can do  
It's something that he's going through  
It happens to a lot of men  
And I told myself that they were right  
That you'd wake up and see the light  
And I just had to wait 'til then  
Wrong again**

"Lily, maybe James has changed over the years, but he still cares about you. Just listening to him talk about you in the office is enough to know. Maybe the change in him is something that separation from you has done to him," said Michelle in a soothing voice.

"No…" said Lily.

"Not after what I did to him last night. He could never care about a monster like me."

**And it seemed to me the pain would last  
My chance for happiness had passed  
And nothing waited 'round the bend  
I was sure I'd never find someone  
To heal the damage you had done  
And my poor heart would never mend  
Wrong again  
Wrong again**

**Wrong Again- **Martina McBride

* * *

A/N: This chappie is a bit shorter than the other one. I hope you guys still like it though. Writing this story is a bit addicting and getting reviews adds more excitement to it! So you know what you SHOULD do. Please give any suggestions when you find the need. 

Thanks

L.S.


	4. Break Myself

**A/N: Warning- Written very late at night and midly edited so bear with me and accept the mistakes. I just wanted to poet this before I went to sleep. I'll edit it later. **Note the change in pen name! Sorry to the people who wanted a plot. Last chapter was sort of "the day after reminiscing" and I had to add a little (actually a LOT) JL fluff. I have always imagined that was the way they shared their first kiss and I wanted to write that scene SO badly. This chapter starts slow but has some action in it. POV James Lily James Lily James This was inspired by "Break Myself" by Something Corporate (my current obsession).

**Disclaimer:** (Of course) I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Break Myself- Vanilla Voices

'Monday morning,' thought James as he stared out his window from level 2 of the Ministry of Magic. London was clouded it her usual gray cape of fog. The results of a heavy rain early this morning were still clinging to the windows and more was blowing into the glass. James was glad that he was working indoors filling out forms. He pitied the soaked muggles on the sidewalks, pathetically trying to keep dry using one of their silly contraption (called an umbrella).

"James?" asked voice approaching him.

"Hmmm…" James replied. He whirled around in time to see his best friend Sirius walking towards him, girl-swooning grin and all.

"Mate… you know that we're underground right? The windows are enchanted." Sirius said. James glanced back at the window and looked at Sirius again.

"Oh, right," said a very embarrassed James.

"Well, you have been only been working here for a year…" said Sirius sarcastically.

"Shut it Sirius," said James adding a bite to every word.

"Alright, good morning to you too," said Sirius trying to take some of the edge from James' voice. James leaned back on his desk chair, sighed, and mumbled a soft, "Morning". Sirius knew it was a difficult weekend for James, with his birthday (not to mention LILY) and all. He was willing to let James brood for a while.

**I'm on fire  
And the day is feeling hopeless  
You'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless  
Soon I won't feel at all  
No**

Most of the field Aurors, like James, spent their time catching up on their paperwork this morning. Busy quills scratching on parchment echoed inside his head. Sirius had left to talk to Alastor and to get a bite to eat for breakfast, but knowing him, James knew Sirius was going to waste the morning away eating and flirting with the secretaries coming to get coffee for their boss. James tried to pick up his pen, but the sickening silence irked him on so many different levels. He needed something to distract himself and paperwork was just not doing it for him. He rubbed his temple and tightly shut his eyes. Suddenly the telephone at his desk rang.

'Damn. That is so much louder thanks to the courtesy of this headache. Well, at least it's better than the silence. Doesn't the Ministry know that owls work just as well as this stupid muggle invention? Those clowns at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts are always willing to try new things and they'll bring the entire Ministry down in flames.' Thought James as he reached to grab the receiver. It took a few seconds before the voice on the other end registered in his mind.

"James, James…"

'LILY?!' thought James.

**It's electric the neon hurt inside your phone call  
The layered sadness and the madness it revolves  
Bringing down the walls where you found her  
No

* * *

**

_About a half an hour before…_

"Do it or I'll have to take matters into my own hands," Michelle's voice ranged inside Lily's head. Her threat haunted Lily still. Lily rubbed her palms together, trying to erase the ink. Maybe she could tell Michelle that she washed her hands so many times that the ink faded away and she couldn't read it.

'Shit, she used permanent ink, that crafty witch. No wonder she's an Auror,' thought Lily. She hurried back to her charge before the other nurses realized that she was gone. She cut through the lobby of St. Mungo's and took the elevator up. When she was at the pediatrics level, she got off the elevator and walked down the hall. Lily turned left and opened the door that was two from end. She carefully shut the door behind her and tiptoed to the sleeping form snuggled between white sheets. The pale face almost blended into the white. Lily hated to rouse the boy from his peaceful and well-earned sleep, but she needed to know if he was ok.

"Hey Sean… feeling any better?" Lily said in her sweetest voice. The little boy looked to small and weak for his expansive bed. He didn't speak, but he swayed his head side to side. Lily's smile turned in to a worried frown.

"Alright then, did you take your blood infusion potion?" she asked as she moved to the bedside table and examined the bluish vile sitting on top of the table. Not a drop was missing. Lily could hardly blame the child. After losing both his parents to a mass killing committed by no other than the Death Eaters, he was silent as stagnant water. He wouldn't eat or drink anything either.

"Gently mourning," thought Lily. She looked at Sean sorrowfully and reached for her wand that was in her skirt pocket. She whispered,

"I'm sorry," and raised her wand.

"**Consopio**!" she pronounced very clearly and Sean gradually fell asleep. The sleeping charm becomes very useful when patients didn't want to take their potions, especially young children.

'I wonder if it's cruel to let him live and have him suffer the death of his family. He looks so peaceful sleeping," thought Lily. She popped the stopper from the vile and brought it gingerly to his rosy lips. With one hand supporting Sean's head and one hand holding the vile, Lily force-fed Sean the potion. She conjured a glass of water to drown the bitter taste of the potion and fed him that too. She placed the empty vile and half full glass on the bedside table and brushed the bangs from his forehead to place a soft kiss on his brow. She glanced back one last time before she left the room and turned off the light.

Once she was out in the blank hallway, she felt a warning sore on her palm.

'Will Michelle ever leave this alone?' Lily thought. She cradled his right hand in her left and stared at ink and numbers written on her hand seemed to glare back.

'I guess she is right. I owe him an apology and he shouldn't have to hear it from Michelle. I hope I don't die from embarrassment or guilt. Nothing to gain and everything to fear," thought Lily. She made her way to the nurses' office and closed the door on a vacant room with a telephone. After going up muggle, Lily had a lot of experience using a telephone. She dialed and hoped for the best all the while expecting the worst.

**Well, I'm willing to break myself  
To shake this hell from everything I touch  
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays  
So you don't hurt so much**

"James, James…I just want to say I'm sorry," she said quickly before slamming the phone down. She didn't want to hear his voice, it drove her crazy. It was over. She had done it.

* * *

Completely unexpected.

His throat felt dry as he heard the click from the other line. He didn't notice Michelle was glancing hopefully at him but was disappointed in his reaction. James froze.

**And now I'm static  
As your sky is turning purple and gray  
I'm learning that the further that I crawl  
The farther that I fall, is that ok?  
No**

Lily, his number one anti-fan, had just called and apologized. He wanted nothing more than to run over to St. Mungo's and swept her off her feet. But, she probably still hates him and thinks he is a mindless playboy, and just apologized because Michelle forced her. How did he ever get tangled up in Lily's complex web of thoughts? It would be simpler if he could just talk to her. He had no chance. Alastor came storming over with a manila folder. All he could breathe was, "Attack, Death Eaters, bridge, Get, Sirius,"

**CRACK** James had already Apparated.

He found Sirius grinning gleefully at a blonde in a mini skirt and heels. James quickly grabbed his friend's collar and dragged him away from his surely inappropriate conversation.

"Come on mate, attack on the bridge," James said. They quickly Apparated away.

The wind was blowing fiercely in their faces as they watched in horror as four Death Eaters were invading a double-decker bus. James was the first one to reach a Death Eater. They hadn't even noticed that Aurors were arriving at the scene.

"**STUPEFY**!" shouted James as he pointed his wand at the Death Eaters back. The others noticed the Aurors were here. Flashes of red and green raced between James and Sirius and the Death Eaters.

"**EXPELLIARMUS**!" cried Sirius as the Death Eater (nearest to James) 's wand flew out of his hand. James felt his concentration wane when a finger tapped him on the shoulder. He quickly glanced behind himself and saw a frightened face of Michelle. Something was definitely wrong. Michelle was never scared, not even in the face of twenty Death Eaters. Suddenly the Death Eaters Apparated away and Sirius, James, and Michelle were left alone.

'James, Sirius, the Death Eaters used that attack as a diversion. They have a bigger plan. A group of thirty Death Eaters were sent to St. Mungo's to finish what was left undone. They want to finish off the survivors of their other attacks!" screamed Michelle with urgency. She was on the brink of tears. She wanted to fight right away, but Moody had sent her to find James and Sirius. All James could comprehend was Death Eaters and St. Mungo's.

"Lily,"

* * *

She could hear the screaming from 3 floors beneath her. Horrible, ear piercing screams.

**And you're in pieces  
As your world becomes a rainstorm  
You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away  
If you survive the day**

**You say your leaving  
You say your leaving**

Lily felt her soul tear apart as she heard innocents dying a violent death. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her and plunged in the thick of the fighting.

'What did Professor Telman teach us anyways?' Lily said as she tried to remember Defense the Dark Arts class in Hogwarts. Lately, healing potions and restoring charms have bombarded her mind and she could barely remember simple counter curses. All she could remember was stupefy and that seemed to work because Death Eaters were dropping at her feet one by one. It took them a while to figure out that they were losing comrades because no one was standing up to the Death Eaters. Lily was a solitary fighter. Not for too long though. Cracks echoed through the hallways.

"Thank Merlin," said Lily. She felt well protected as Aurors lined alongside her and fought against the Death Eaters.

"**Attonitus**!" yelled a middle aged Auror beside her. A bolt of lighting escaped the end of her wand and struck the quickly approaching Death Eater. The Death Eater froze in place. Inspired by the Auror, Lily remembered that her medical charms might harm as well as heal.

"**Sopio**!" shouted Lily as she pointed her wand at a Death Eater, instantly the Death Eater dropped to the floor asleep. Before she had time to admire her accomplishment, she was hit by a stray disarming spell. Her wand went flying across the room. Defenseless, she was hit to the ground by a stunning spell. The shock was so much that she couldn't say "Accio wand" to retrieve her wand. Suddenly something exploded right by her leg and she was blown into a wall by the force. Blackness threatened the edges of her vision. Before it claimed her, she saw a dark figure leaning over her.

* * *

**Well, I'm willing to break myself  
To shake this hell from everything I touch  
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays  
So you don't hurt so much**

**So you don't hurt so much**

'Please Lily, don't let me catch you here in this fighting,' thought James as he hit a Death Eater will a well-aimed stunning spell. Soon the fight gradually died off. He made way over to Sirius, trying not to step on the dead bodies.

"Mate, I think we got most of them. We need to look for doctors and nurses (if they haven't been killed) and care after the wounded," said James. Sirius nodded. They walked around to the other Aurors and told them their plan. They also nodded in agreement, but suggested they keep an eye out because there could be more Death Eaters. As James walked around, he could see a glint of red hair from the corner of his eye.

'Lily,' he immediately concluded. He ran over and sure enough Lily Evans was bloodied, bruised, and lying very still. James quickly grabbed her hand and felt the icy coldness.

**Never again will we fire this gun  
No never again your the only one  
No never again but you're already gone.**

'No'

Before a tear could be shed, a shadow covered them both.

"Potter…and his precious Evans. Filth and Mudblood. Dear Merlin, help us all. At least she is where she belongs, in the dirt," said Malfoy. James slowly stood to his full stature. He towered slightly over Malfoy. Trembling with anger, he pointed his wand at Malfoy's neck.

"Too bad your own venom can't kill you," James whispered.

"FOOL!" said Malfoy and he whipped his own wand around and said,

"**Crucio**!"

James collapsed, his entire frame violently shaking in complete and absolute pain. Each nerve flared and his skin burned. His mouth was opened in a silent scream.

**I'm willing to break myself**

**I'm not afraid  
I'm willing to break myself  
I'm not afraid  
I'm willing to break myself  
I'm not afraid**

Malfoy grinned and turned towards Lily. He kneeled beside her,cupped her chin with one hand and examined her features.

"Too bad. You are very pretty for a Mudblood. You would have made a good toy to play around with. But I can't spare your life for my pleasure," said Malfoy. Even though James' mind was flooded with pain, he could only think about Lily.

'WHAT?! If I ever get my hands on you Malfoy… I swear I'll murder you and enjoy it when your cold blood drips from my hand. WHAT?! LILY'S ALIVE!' James' mind screamed. He watched Malfoy point his wand at Lily's vulnerable form. James raised his hand and he felt the pain flame up again, but he couldn't stop. He quickly knocked Malfoy's wand from his hand. Malfoy was caught in shock. The wand didn't go very far so Malfoy quickly retrieved it.

"Potter, your pathetic attempts are in vain. **CRUCIO**!" said Malfoy. If once wasn't enough, the spell seemed to increase tenfold in power the second time. Tears were streaming down James' face. Still, James couldn't give up. He would die first before Malfoy killed Lily.

**Well, I'm willing to break myself  
To shake this hell from everything I touch  
I'm willing to bleed for days my... reds and grays  
So you don't hurt so much**

**So much  
So much  
So much  
So much**

**Break Myself** – Something Corporate

* * *

A/N: HAHAHA Cliffie!!!!! I know many of you want to kill me… Review and I'll post the next chappie faster. I'm waiting for at least 10 reviews. Then I'll post the next chappie!!! Hope you enjoyed that. I enjoyed writing it.

Thanks!

V.V.


End file.
